this morning
in the listening
before i was fully awake
god spoke
you she said,
her voice silver
are the apple of my eye
she meant me
but not only
she meant every single one of us

here: in the silence
put your ear
to her lips

today the sky is white
bright white blinding
spirit bright
against it
the white blossom
on the cherry tree
in the car park
the other side of my house
looks dirty
human.
warm.
the sweet hum of the world

and you may find yourself wanting
wanting to know
this or that or
any of these things
Does. He.
Will. We.
Forever:
grasping mind.
nothing: ash, reaching for ash.
nothing reaching for nothing
nothing to know
except you.
in every moment:
This.

the other day i was acting all normal
trying to sell scarves to people
in the run up to Christmas
so I’m folding them and i’m folding them
when I see outside
the felt dark rounds of the hills
the filigree of their ink black crowns
the way they have pressed themselves hungry exciting
into the gaping velvet of the night
my country.
then i heard her:
Now. she said
she’d come
the bone woman with the silver lasso
the one I have been finding and missing and
finding and missing my entire life
i stepped out from my station
and how the man
with the pashmina between his pale hands
was wanting to know do I wash it?
and i came out into the night
sloshing through the mud of the old farm yard
over the bent gate and straight up the hill
the black grass seething at my ankles
the cold air screaming in my eyes
the years of leaf lifting in their layers on the wind
laughing: a liturgy of what will not be named
i took her hand and together
we walked into the savage of my own heart:
yes I told her. Yes.
at whatever cost
i will know the only thing there is to know

on one of these days
i allowed the heart
she burst like april into being
unfurling her skirts into tomorrow
she was blinding dazzling
like the moon close up
but without the let down
she was everything i’ve never found
but always known
somewhere – find it! – inside every dull eyed thought
one of these days
i allowed the heart:
she sprang like spring into flowers

one day
i allowed the heart:
she sprang like spring into flowers