the other day i accepted everything just exactly as it is. i fell through a hole in the universe

  there’s this side and there’s that side (both are it) it’s just on that side (you are the door) the sun is out

  last night where i have been galaxies burned stars turned comets, planets, suns and yet an intimacy i have not known exhilaration without centre something moved to find the phone to call someone to tell them: look but there wasn’t a phone or anyone to call just this: an ecstasy of silence

  i’m reading this book about how god is an unreconstructed maniac i think it might be true: it’s why I’ve been afraid forever to look her directly in the face

  and the day came in which i folded up all my pictures of you: the saints, the women who made it, even the horse i had as a child the one that died. i folded them up and put them back inside my heart the place, in the beginning i’d taken them out of [...]

  why do good things happen to bad people ? do good things happen to bad people ? things ? people ? it’s all seeming less and less likely

  on the wall above my bed i wrote 100 names for you they were all - every single one of them - Love  

  i said to god: make me an agent and she said: don’t you want a new car ? i was trying to work out the correct response to that when she said : and a place to live, beautiful and wild and a lover who really – really – loves you and a horse [...]

  when the mind turns to the matter in hand i am exalted when the mind doesn’t turn also am i exalted it seems, these days, the mind can do as it likes

  sometimes i lie in bed all day eating toast and praising things choking on butter and tears stunned at the wonder of it all sometimes i go outside and press my face into the world raging at all in it that is wrong, harsh, unloving at all of the ones who didn’t want who [...]