on the wall above my bed

i wrote 100 names for you

they were all

– every single one of them –

Love

 

 

i said to god: make me an agent

and she said: don’t you want a new car ?

i was trying to work out the correct response to that when she said :

and a place to live, beautiful and wild

and a lover who really – really – loves you

and a horse and some kids and some ecstatic blissful without any reason for it joy

some sun and the sea, some humans and some music

trees and a variety of different animals with warm, soft fur

by this time i was  – a little anyway – crying

Yes ! i told her

that’s what i want

 

when the mind turns

to the matter in hand

i am exalted

when the mind doesn’t turn

also am i exalted

it seems, these days, the mind can do as it likes

 

sometimes i lie in

bed all day

eating toast and praising things

choking on butter and tears

stunned at the wonder of it all

sometimes i go outside

and press my face into the world

raging at all in it that is wrong, harsh, unloving

at all of the ones who didn’t want who couldn’t and weren’t able at that time to be with me

sometimes i come back home and lie in bed

all day and all night eating toast and sailing

on the high seas in my little ship of bed

praising the magnificence in all things

especially the ones who didn’t want, who couldn’t and weren’t able at that time

(forwhateverreason and fuckyouall) to be with me

melt me

i said

like butter

into you

when i woke

i heard her calling

i went down stairs and

she came around me

figs flowers bees a

butterfly and

without waiting for me to

do up even one button hurried

me down the rocky path

flecking me with sunlight

past the place the snake

lies straight belly uppermost

and on, breathless

into the house

of true belonging